A few weeks back, whilst the wife and I were in Downtown Seattle, we passed by an art gallery displaying paintings & poetry dedicated to the majestic whale. Among the gems of literary greatness were tidbits such as (I’m paraphrasing here) “we can learn so much from the whale’s majesty and wisdom” and “oh, how kind and awe-inspiring are our cetaceous friends,” etc, etc. Naturally, the sarcastic bastard in me started thinking…
Before I go any further, let me state for the record that I have absolutely NOTHING against whales. Furthermore, I certainly don’t condone harming whales in any way. But sucking up to whales, no matter how poetic or artful, seems a bit much. I couldn’t help but wonder, “what if man learned one day to communicate directly with whales, and it turns out they’re JERKS?!” I’m not saying they are, but I think it’s a fair to assume that not all whales are wise and/or kind. What if the “noble” humpback whale is a racist, and their singing is just a string of off-color limericks about, say, dolphins and manatees? Maybe the minke is anti-semetic? Until we can talk to them directly, I don’t think it’s something we can rule out.
Perhaps I’m completely wrong, and it’s the dolphins who are prone to making lewd remarks about your mother, and it’s the whales that are constantly reprimanding them. “Shut up, you assholes! You’re giving all aquatic mammals a bad name!”
At the very least, I think we can all agree that Giant Squid are kind of uppity.